John's Polar Bear Roast

1 medium Polar Bear
1 hundred pound sack of yellow onions
1 foreign pickup bed of carrots
1 foreign pickup bed of potatoes
5 gallons seawater (this will help rising sea levels)
pepper (season to taste)
1 keg of your favorite brew to baste both bear and you

1 500 gallon propane tank cut in half
1 American pickup bed of charcoal

Wash and dress (or undress) Polar Bear. Place bear on foil, tuck arms behind head and cross legs (doesn't really affect cooking, but it sure looks funny after a couple of beers). Stuff cavity with onions, carrots, potatoes and seawater (for saltiness). Cook over low to medium heat for approx 6 hours, basting regularly with the beer. Season with pepper and serve LIBERAL (get it?) portions to all your friends...