Whoopi Goldberg's Whooping Crane on the Loggerhead Turtle Half Shell

23 Whooping Crane, deboned and diced
15 Boxes Italian Bread Crumbs
57 Stalks of Celery, chopped
10 lb bag of White Onions, diced
3 dozen Large Eggs, free range preferred
Approximately 1 pound of dried Sage leaves, crumbled
3 gallons of Black-footed Ferret broth, see recipe below
Pepper to taste
1 Loggerhead Turtle Shell (about a 500 pounder ought to do)

I prepare Loggerhead Turtle shell by cutting it in half, discarding the bottom half as well as the meat - I just can't stand fishy tasting meat, but the shell is an awesome serving dish for my big Hollywood get-togethers at my home. Prepare the broth as shown below. Combine all ingredients, mixing well. Pack into turtle shell and bake in one big-ass oven for approximately 2 1/2 hours at 375 degrees, or until a whooping crane's leg inserted in the middle comes out clean.

"This is sooo moist and succulent; it makes me want to go out and kill something just thinking about it. Oh, and I just love your new website, but don't tell my friends - I don't think they even know how to surf the Internet yet anyway. The Gore family shared this recipe with me years ago when Al drove me up to Nantucket in his SUV for a private little fishing trip, if you know what I mean."

Black-footed Ferret Broth: Dice 1 clean, cut up ferret and simmer in chicken broth for 1 hour, until meat is falling off the bones. Strain off 3 gallons of broth to use in above recipe. The Black-footed Ferret is technically a weasel, but I do so hate the comparative reference to our Democratic Congressmen...

"Everyone raved about this dish except Dennis Miller - he's not welcome at my house anymore."